Everything is better through your child's eyes

So I got it, today It all clicked. There I was sitting in church, proud of myself that we got to church on time, all three of us, and watching the time tick away constantly readjusting my menu/brunch time as the service went long. As I looked around at everyone in their Easter finest, it all came together. Why did I stay up late setting the table, getting easter baskets ready for the easter bunny and then wake up at 5:30 am so we could be first in line for the easter egg hunt at 8:45? For Lexie, for my family, of course. I saw the same weary/stressed/anxious look on all the other mom's faces too, we all do it, every holiday. But have they gotten it too?

Today I discovered that while I do this for Lexie to have a great life and fond memories of her childhood, I get some pretty great times out of it as well. By doing so much and planning so much to make it perfect for her ( later I am sure there will be many posts on my OCD, perfection issues) I am the one who ultimately gets the benefit out of it. That never clicked for me before...I always have the mantra "do it for her, do it for her" completely ignorant to the enjoyable days and fond memories I am creating for myself.

You see today was not any different than any other Easter, except that I did not feel so obligated by any of the plans. Typically it feels like, we HAVE to go to church, we then go eat, some family dysfunction issue arrises with extended family and we all leave a little angry at one another. But not today, today was great. I was so emotional at church today, proud when the Reverend smiled at us in the pew, so happy to run through the garden to collect eggs in the hunt with Lexie and my husband, followed by a very enjoyable brunch and heavy-duty baseball watching with the entire family. Simple, yet it was probably one of the best Easter's I can remember.

It all came together so nicely and while I like to take credit for it, I mean I did put a lot of effort forward, trying so hard for her has made it all so much better for myself. When I see Lexie enjoying herself and exploring the day's event, I get so caught up that it just over fills me. Watching her is all I need to know that whatever is taking place is the best place to be/see/do for that moment. As long as she is enjoying herself, the husband and I have succeeded and all the other pressures just fade away. And that is all I need to make me feel satisfied, that is it for me. I did not know this before today.

The "eve" before the next holiday when I am cursing myself for being up so late to wake up so early because I have overcommitted myself to get it all done, I won't be doing it just for her, I will be doing it for us...all three of us. And when I look around and see Lexie and the husband smiling and enjoying themselves, giggling with joy, I will just melt away. I can't wait!